Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
