i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
