mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
