i think my mom watched the whole time
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
