I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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