so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
