All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
