I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
