you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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