We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
