And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
then he tried to convert me to islam
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I want a musical about memes.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
