Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
