we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
