i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
