how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize