Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
