Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
