I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
