A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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