allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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