discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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