Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
