you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
