found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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