dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
