Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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