Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is wine microwaveable?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
