I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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