just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize