Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
