Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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