Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
