Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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