why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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