it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
