so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Farmville is her only friend.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
