At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
