She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
