I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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