i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
