Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
