Betty ford says i'm here all night
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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