somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
