Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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