We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
