He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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