is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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