Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
