It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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