Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
