he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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