I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
