I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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