Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
