I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
