Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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