just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
