Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize