i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
