I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
