pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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