I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
