Need sex. Gaining weight.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
