You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
