I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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