I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
