And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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