Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
