It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
